The Storm

Right now, I am sitting in my garden drinking coffee and looking around at everything I have built over the last three years.

As I watch the seeds begin to sprout, I plant more in hopes of growth this summer that will help WebbSprout be ready for a sustainable fall program and support more families.

However, I worry that I haven’t done enough to prepare for summer and fall harvest.

I was distracted this spring by a coming storm. Summer by Design was finally ready to launch, and I felt confidence in my new fall program that summer would help to prepare.

A couple months ago I learned that Jon, my landlord, needs to sell this house. After three years of his patience and support and transforming it into a school, it’s time for him to move on to other projects and for me to take this step towards sustainability and accountability. 

Jon has been a wonderful landlord. He has let me turn this house into something most landlords would probably not have allowed. There is a swing in the basement. There are posters attached to walls in ways that future-me may deeply regret. There are pinprick holes, fairy lights, staples, crayon marks, and evidence everywhere that children have grown here as much as the plants in the garden,

Although I’m not sustainable yet. I’m on SAID because I can’t work well enough without that support. Although things are starting to change. Soon i will get my new mobility scooter from the Kinsmen with the greatest gratitude.  This scooter creates opportunities for the summer that weren’t possible previously, like excursions to the park and field trips to Saskatoon summer events & festivals.

With everything changing, my hope is to be off of SAID and supported by my business within a year. 

That plan depends on utilizing this unique space that I’ve spent three years creating not packing up and starting over again somewhere new. 

So I scrambled for ideas and latched upon one. A Korean National Pension I earned in lieu of Canada Pension Plan for the 20 years I was abroad.

I inquired whether it would be possible to use that as a down payment before my five-year deadline for claiming it had passed. I’d originally intended to choose the option of waiting until I was 65 and collecting it monthly since I wouldn’t get much from CPP. 

Alas, my question triggered the system into actions I won’t bore anyone with today, but the end result is that my pension is on the way and my SAID will be stopped pending further review. 

There are two options for how I can handle the rain from the storm. 

I can live off of it now for a year or two maybe, like I’ve done with my savings and earnings thus far, learning how to do business and scraping by the best I can through reciprocal trades and small acts of community support. Although I’d be doing that while looking for a new place to live and putting most of WebbSprout on pause in the meantime. 

But why should I live off my pension at 50? If I had earned that in Canada, I would not have had any choice; it would’ve been part of my retirement. That is the part that still feels absurd to say out loud. If I had earned that money in Canada, it would simply have become part of my retirement. Instead, because my life crossed countries and systems, a pension intended for old age is arriving now, at the exact moment I am trying to build something sustainable and shaking everything up. 

It could be a crisis, but I prefer to see an opportunity. 

So I’ve decided to put all my energy towards buying this house. Using the pension that will arrive within the next month for a dawn payment, at least giving myself a decent chance at a retirement through what I use this space to build rather than letting it all go away. 

How do I do that without SAID or savings or the ability to ‘work harder’? I’m already stretched thin and doing everything I can.  I’ve done the traditional grant applications and looked for ‘normal ways’ to keep WebbSprout alive. 

Rather than the usual rites of passage of family and home in one place, I chose a life of wandering and connections around the world. Those connections taught me so much and helped me become the person I am.

Some of the most enriching connections endured through space and time. Friends from childhood, high school, and university are intersecting with people I’ve met in my travels and  those I’ve met since I returned 5 years ago. Teaching colleagues and old students are reaching out, seeing my stories and becoming curious about what I’ve been doing. 

It’s honestly a bit overwhelming and beautiful to feel so much support and love from so many different places. It gives me hope that this dream of mine might just be possible. 

I had students and travel and a series of homes in faraway places. Then I came back and created this unusual  Home and Community instead. I always knew I wanted to do something a little different and Webbsprout grew organically through all of those interactions into what it is today.

Instead of an old age pension, I have the opportunity to own my dream space where I continue to work on becoming sustainable and successful enough to have a retirement where I’m not worried about scraping by without a pension.

A place not just for me, but all the kids out there who feel safe here. A place where I can do this meaningful work and maintain my purpose. Where families can find others and a Community can grow where all the misfits and weird kids can choose to belong. 

It’s time for my rites of passage, but like everything else I do I’m doing this one differently. Not a wedding or a baby shower. A fundraising campaign full of stories and joy (got a few clever ideas of my sleeve to be sure) that brings together the strands of my life to help me build something from this storm. 

I can catch the rain from this storm and use it for a down payment, but that won’t be enough  to ensure I don’t lose it all from the overwhelm of owning a house and a business I cannot afford to operate alone anymore. 

WebbSprout needs to grow to be viable enough for me to own this space. I need staff, equipment, repairs, and better infrastructure. My hands don’t work well enough to keep up with the technological demands of the administrative work, but I’ve never been able to create enough work to justify hiring somebody to do what I should be able to do on my own.

The metaphor I use is the mycorrhizal wood wide web where the support I give others in turn supports what I do here. 

So I’m reaching back into all my past connections to launch the most unusual fundraising campaign I’ve ever imagined… 

But more on that tomorrow. If you want to know more, go read what I’ve already shared. If it resonates, please comment; it helps others find these posts. 

Today I’m gardening!!